Wednesday, September 01, 2004


The contrast between the Girlie-Men National Convention and the first two nights of the Republican National Convention could hardly be more striking.

  • First, I just watched, for the first time, the very beginning of Kerry's acceptance speech (I had originally tuned about two minutes late). His "reporting for duty" salute was, amazingly, even more lame than I had imagined. Puts the Bush twins to shame.
  • The first two nights of the Republican National Convention have featured three absolute stallions: McCain (who offered an eloquent and convincing defense of the Bush Doctrine from a man who has had his differences with Bush in the past), Giuliani (who delivered perhaps the most engaging political speech I have ever witnessed), and the Governator himself. All three men exude strength and leadership; one is hard-pressed to name three American politicians who better personify these characteristics. Democrats must feel like they've taken a steel-toed boot in the ass (or that the Republicans have "stepped on their nosewith a hob-nailed boot and crushed their faces in," to paraphrase Larry Munson).
  • The Girlie-Men, on the other hand, gave us Billary on the first night, in all of his/her pain-feeling glory. Yes, Billary, who relentlessly pushed such lofty policy initiatives as school uniforms and porked fat interns while Al-Qaeda went about its business of killing innocent Americans and planning 9/11. Strong indeed. Tuesday, we were treated to Barack Obama--whose speech was fine--and my personal favorite, that symbol of masculinity, toughness, and intellectual seriousness, Ron Reagan, who accepted the invitation to speak only after Graham Norton turned it down. Seriously, Ron Reagan! I'm convinced that the Democrats gave us lil' Ron-Ron for two reasons totally unrelated to the subject of his speech, stem cell research: 1) to bite their thumbs at the Republicans, who still (rightfully) glorify the Reagan presidency, in the year of Reagan's death; and 2) to cater to the gay wing of the party. Yes, I realize Ron-Ron isn't openly gay, but...
  • Anyway, the contrast is striking. There are the girlie-men, and then there is the party that truly understands the toughness and seriousness with which times like these must be faced. And the trend continues tonight and tomorrow: Cheney v. John "aren't I pretty" Edwards? Bush v. John "reporting for dorky" Kerry? If this election is about strength, it's over already.


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